The Hum of My Subconscious Mind or Pumping is Strange

Sunday, I sit on my bed, Charlie has begun what I like to call, The Squirming Before the Screaming. She's hungry, but she's going to have to wait for me to set up the pump. I'm storing milk up for my first birth since February. I've missed my work, getting to be a part of something so sacred is such an honor. My client is due any day now and this will be my first time away from my 3 month old. We've never given Charlie a bottle, so I hope it's not too stressful for her, or my husband.

I'm situated now, Charlie is now in full blown melt down mode, sure to her very core that no one can hear her cries of hunger, wailing in pure desperation. I prop her up on one of the many pillows purchased specifically to achieve maximum comfort during our special time. Her cries subside immediately, she nurses hungrily for a few seconds, takes a very deep breath through her nose and drifts off to sleep. Our special time, as it were, is interrupted only by the sound of my Ameda breast pump. It's not loud, it's just that in the quiet of my bedroom it's the only sound you hear. French fries, French fries, French fries, that's all I can think as the little motor murmurs like a muffled submarine quietly but persistently letting you know, that somewhere, something has gone terribly wrong. French fries French fries, I try to make it stop, I think of other things. I study the curve of my sweet angel's face. I try to count her eyelashes, French fries, French fries. Every day it's different and subconscious in a way. I decide to look down and watch the pump do it's job. I watch as my nipple gets pulled into a ridiculous shape. I think to myself, there's a reason babies have checks and not windows, I don't believe we are meant to see what goes on inside.

Monday, got situated today before Charlize went into full freak out. Major squirmies only, I have her on for a while, solo on one side. I feel my let down start, before I start to leak on the right I bring the solo pump to my free breast. It's been a rough day, and I have not been respectful to my six year old. I see her angry face in my mind. Bad mom, bad mom, bad mom, the pump motor, mocking me. Bad mom, bad mom, bad mom, I wonder If I will be able to take my face being rubbed in my behavior long enough to produce 6 ounces. I get to 3 and have to quit, bad mom, bad mom, bad mo-. Finally, no more droning, and now a la Edgar Allen Poe's The Telltale Heart, I still hear bad mom, bad mom, bad mom, bad mom. I put my sleeping baby down, run to the kitchen and turn the radio on to drown out the judgement. Washing dishes I glance down and have to laugh at my lone crazily shaped nipple straining against my t shirt. I wonder how long it takes to get back to it's original shape. I always wondered that about pruney fingers in the tub, but I've yet to take the time to find out.

Tuesday, pumping is going great Charlize and I are both in a great mood. She's smiling up at me while she's nursing. I love it, I love this, I love pumping, knowing I'm saving it for her. I'd do anything for her. Good job, good job, good job, good job, this is droning I can stand. I looked at the full bottles in amazement when I was done, I pumped eight ounces today.

On Euphemisms, or What's Another Word for Ass Whoopin'?

Spanking, sounds harmless enough yes? Some people conjur images of a child being disciplined for his own good. Some of my friends when asked had a more adult movie image in their mind when I said the word. We will talk about these folks in future blogs. But not many people will say, "Oh that's when an adult loses all sense of control forgets themselves completely and strikes another smaller defenseless human being." I didn't hear anyone say, "Spanking is when I haul off and hit my children till they comply, I learned it from my folks." I think the word spanking has gotten in the way of true communication between parent and child for so long now.

Recently you may have seen photos of Kate Gosselin hitting her child in the tabloids. Now, before I go on I want to say with all sincerity, thank God no one with a camera anyway, has caught me doing something regrettable. I admit I have grabbed my daughter by the arm aggressively, I have tugged on her hair, I have also slapped the hand of my youngest (she has Downs Syndrome) when she has a fistful of Ava's hair (my oldest). After every terrible violent episode, yes I will say it, that's what it is, violence,  I feel I have become my parents. Are my parents horrible people, I turned out all right didn't I? The answer is no and yes. No they aren't horrible people, they were only doing what they saw their parents do, and since it happened to them and they 'turned out' all right why shouldn't their children enjoy the same parenting techniques bestowed upon them? Yes, I did turn out alright, I'm not a serial killer and have many friends and am a contributing member of our society. But lets look closer.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about how his mother had him go out and pick the stick/switch she was going to punish him with. My father told me stories of my Grandmother hitting him with an ironing cord. My mother was never punished with a stick and I never recall being given welts on any part of my body with an ironing cord. However, my grandfather and my parents still used violence as a form of control/punishment. Somewhere in their minds though they decided that the way they were punished as children was too extreme and they made their adjustments. My grandfather dropped the switch and used his hands, my father chose his belt over an ironing cord. The literal tools of punishment changed but at the heart of it, did anything else? Only violence remains and is that the message we want to convey? That violence is the only way, war is the only answer, by hurting we get what we are after? By taking these ideas as truths we embrace violence as a means to rearing our children.

We've discussed spanking on the show before (Progressive Parenting Thursdays at 1pm on 88.1 FM KFCF) and we always get a bunch of callers that say, when you don't hit your children they never learn. Well, they do learn, yes. They learn that they deserve to be hit, they learn that the people they love the most in the world are okay with causing them harm. Look at the look on the little girls face, after her mother has not only stuck, but humiliated her. She is learning that her mothers behavior is not only normal but acceptable. Again, I want to stress that there but for the grace of God go I, doing my worst by my kids on the cover of a magazine. This is not a place for me to judge but to sit back and reflect and call a spade a spade. Spanking is violence, whether it was just a little one, or a great big public one, it it what it is. I think if we called it what it was, maybe it would be replaced by listening and talking and respect. I know I would rather have some one treat me with respect, hear me out, and talk to me, then hit me, wouldn't you?

Progressive Parenting, Reducing Infant Mortality

My guest last Thursday was Debby Takekawa director of What Babies Want. Her newest project is called Reducing Infant Mortality. The current US Health Care System is failing babies and families before, during and after birth. At this critical moment when the US government is re-envisioning our health care system, she is making a short video to not only to point out the flaws in the way we care for babies and families, but also to identify the keys to improved care. Our infant mortality ranking is 42nd on the world stage which means 41 countries have better statistics. This places us right in the middle of the following countries: Guam, Cuba, Croatia and Belarus, with over double the infant deaths compared to the top 10 countries of the world.

Our astronomically high African American infant mortality rate at 16 deaths per 1,000 is similar to countries such as Malaysia and the West Bank. Not only are babies dying needlessly, but the ones who survive this failing system are also often adversely affected by unnecessary procedures and separation from mother and family. Herr intent with this video is to encourage policy makers to consider a health care system that holds prevention of these calamities as a high priority. The midwifery model of care for healthy low-risk women is a simple solution which addresses many of these issues simultaneously.

She is advocating for a health care system in which it will be standard procedure for mothers and babies to thrive and not merely survive through birth and early life. She believes the midwifery model of care will save our health care system millions of dollars each year.

Take the time to visit the website and learn more, whether you are a parent or not this issue affects us all.

This information was taken directly from the reduce infant mortality site

Infant Massage, Who Doesn't Like to be Touched?

What Is Infant Massage?

Infant massage has been practiced by other cultures for centuries. It's applying what is known to be healing touch for adults to children.

What are the benefits of infant massage?

• Relaxes Infant
  Loving touch lessens tension, fussiness and irritability. Digestion is aided and this can provide relief of gas and colic. Massage is also a wonderful way to lessen stress parent and baby.
• Enhances Bonding
  Touch conveys nurturing and love, the essential ingredients for emotional and physical growth and well being.
• Aids Growth and Development
  Studies have shown increased weight gain, and immune function. Myelination of nerves is also increased. These things in turn are needed for brain and muscle development.
• Promotes Communication
  Parents become more aware of baby's nonverbal cues. One-on-one communication instills a massage of love and security.
• Improves Baby's Sleep
  As your infant learns to relax and release stress, sounder and longer sleep is often the end result.

Sign up for an infant massage class today at Mommy Matters Online

Enjoying the Fourth Trimester

Uma and I in a Picara Wrap  '06                    Charlie and I in a Metro Wrap '09

I was standing in line at Teazer the other day having my usual Iced Elephant Chai, when a handsome older gentleman approached Charlize and I. He looked at Charlie all snuggled up in her Metro Mamma Wrap and gently patted her back and said, "She seems to be enjoying her fourth trimester no?" I looked down at her and indeed she seemed pretty darned content, mouth slightly agape with her standard sleepy grin (this kid is always smiling!). I looked like I was still pregnant, a human kangaroo with baby on the outside safe and warm in my pouch. He reached out and gently patted her again and told me to, "Enjoy it." Then he took a sip of his tea, smiled warmly again and walked away.

It's taken me a few days to process this encounter. The first time I heard the term Fourth Trimester was during a lecture I sat in on by Dr. Harvey Karp. The following is a condensed version of what I Understand the Fourth Trimester to be. Most mammals are ready or pretty close to ready to fend for themselves after birth. The human child is born essentially three months early. When your baby is born he or she is completely reliant on you for everything.

For this reason, some experts say human babies need the first three months of life to give their brain and central nervous system the time needed to mature. During those three months, an infant develops into a baby who is able to respond to the outside world. Breathing begins to regulate. She becomes able to lift her head, smile, coo, develop social interactions, and begin to soothe herself. This is the time of life that many now refer to as the "fourth trimester."

Babies in many other countries do not experience Colic the way American babies do. Dr. Karp studied a tribe in South Africa called the Kung San, he "discovered that their babies very rarely cry. Mothers soothe and calm their babies very quickly. They carry them all day long while walking miles a day"

Here at home doctors try and treat 'Colic' with medicine. As if drops of anything could ever be a substitute of being in mothers arms. Baby just came from a place where all she ever knew was movement and constantly being held. In the womb, their environment is a noisy place, the decibel level in the womb is equivalent to a vacuum  cleaner. Here at home our babies are born and placed in a crib far from mom, where everything is kept quiet. What a huge change for someone who is just born to adjust too! Dr. Karp came up with a way to keep babies from/stop crying in his book The Hapiest Baby on the Block. But that is a whole other entry entirely.

So, with all of the above in mind it was interesting that this kind older Spanish man refered to me holding my sweet little one in a sling as the fourth trimester. I asked my husband Craig his thoughts and he said it didn't sound so strange to him at all. He said that if someone took the time and was present enough, it wouldn't take too much thought to arrive at that on their own. "Baby was inside for three and now needs one more to finish cooking, it's pretty simple." Out of the mouths of men. Leave it to Craig to sum up years of experts research in two sentences. Now, I wish I would have been present enough at the time to ask that gentleman to sit down with me and see what other insights he could share with me. I'll be keeping an eye out for him whenever Charlie and I are slinging it down in the Tower.